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For parents of gender diverse youth

Thanks for caring about the health and happiness of your child! Unconditional love is so important. Parents, families, and guardians from all backgrounds have loved and supported their gender diverse kids, and we hope you will do the same!

Here are just a few famous parents with trans and gender diverse children:

  • Cher & Sonny Bono (Chaz Bono)
  • Dwyane Wade & Gabrielle Union (Zaya Wade)
  • Jamie Lee Curtis & Christopher Guest (Ruby Guest)
  • Annette Bening & Warren Beatty (Stephen Ira)
  • Jennifer Lopez (Emme)
  • Busy Philipps (Birdie)
  • Marlon Wayans (Kai)
  • John Ritter & Amy Yasbeck (Noah Lee Ritter)
  • Dean McDermott & Tori Spelling (Jaq)
  • Charlize Theron (Jackson Theron)
  • Colin Mochrie (Kinley Mochrie)
  • Sigourney Weaver (Char)
  • Meri & Kody Brown (Leon Brown)
  • Alexis Bellino (Miles)
  • Heather Dubrow (Ace)
  • Sade (Izaak Theo Adu-Watts)
  • Cynthia Nixon (Seph Mozes)
  • Sting and Trudy Styler (Eliot Coco Sumner)
  • Emma Bunton (Tate)
  • Ally Sheedy (Beckett Lansbury)
  • Cindy Barshop (Jesse Barshop)
  • Khary Payton (Karter Payton)

More and more young people are identifying as gender diverse due to better information, greater acceptance, medical consensus, and less bullying in schools. A 2016 survey of Minnesota adolescents found that about 3% identified as transgender or gender nonconforming:

Data came from the 2016 Minnesota Student Survey, which consisted of 80 929 students in ninth and 11th grade (n = 2168 TGNC, 2.7%). Students self-reported gender identity, perceived gender expression, 4 health status measures, and 3 care utilization measures. 

Rider (2018)

In other words, almost 1 in 30 young people in one survey identified as gender diverse. Gender diverse can mean many things, though.

According to a 2018 policy statement by the American Academy of Pediatrics, a professional organization of over 67,000 pediatricians and healthcare providers, the affirmative model of care is the consensus among medical professionals.

I served on the Board of Directors of the nonprofit TransYouth Family Allies for many years, so I have helped many young people and their families. I often talk with healthcare professionals about gender identity and expression in children and adolescents. Below is a summary of the range of options for young people.

What does it all mean?

I created the chart below to help families and guardians understand issues around minors and gender.

chart showing options for gender expression in minors

Freedom of expression

Not all gender diverse young people make a gender transition. Many just want to express their gender creatively in ways that are not traditional for their assigned gender:

  • Clothes
  • Grooming
  • Activities and interests
  • Friends

Experts now agree that affirming these young people and letting them be creative is a healthy part of development. Many young people will shift their expression more than once. Love and support are always important!

Experts recommend affirmative care

The affirmative model of care is the consensus among medical professionals. According to a policy statement by the American Academy of Pediatrics, a professional organization of over 65,000 pediatricians:

In a gender-affirmative care model (GACM), pediatric providers offer developmentally appropriate care that is oriented toward understanding and appreciating the youth’s gender experience. A strong, nonjudgmental partnership with youth and their families can facilitate exploration of complicated emotions and gender-diverse expressions while allowing questions and concerns to be raised in a supportive environment.

American Academy of Pediatrics (2018). Ensuring Comprehensive Care and Support for Transgender and Gender-Diverse Children and Adolescents

In a GACM, the following messages are conveyed:

  • transgender identities and diverse gender expressions do not constitute a mental disorder;
  • variations in gender identity and expression are normal aspects of human diversity, and binary definitions of gender do not always reflect emerging gender identities;
  • gender identity evolves as an interplay of biology, development, socialization, and culture; and
  • if a mental health issue exists, it most often stems from stigma and negative experiences rather than being intrinsic to the child.

This model allows all children to express themselves as they wish, leading to less stigma and shame.

Therapy

Within this group of gender diverse minors, some do not identify with their assigned gender. For young people whose gender identity is complex or causing them distress, may also benefit from:

Working with a therapist who specializes in gender issues for children and adolescents can help them understand their feelings and have tools to be happier. While some parents choose not to seek therapy, others have found it to be helpful.

Social transition

In addition to the kinds of expression above, some may make a social transition:

  • New names and/or pronouns
  • New gendered identities, including trans, genderfluid, and nonbinary
  • They may change these more than once

Legal transition

After a social transition and with the approval of experts and family, some make legal changes on passport or birth certificate with or without medical care:

  • Legal name change
  • Legal gender change

Medical transition

Medical options are only for those who are:

  • Persistent, consistent, & insistent and/or distressed
  • Allowed by experts and family after steps above

Hormone blockers

  • Puberty blockers
  • Offered to qualified youth age 8 and up around the start of puberty after they have:
  • Hormone blockers have been safely prescribed for decades to young people experiencing unwanted puberty.
  • Some effects of puberty blockade may not be reversible.
  • As with any medication, speak to your healthcare provider about possible risks, burdens, and benefits.

Hormones

For those who adjust well to all the steps above, adolescents are sometimes approved later for hormones.

Surgery

  • Generally only an option for adults.
  • In some cases, an option for mature minors after they have:
  • In some cases, top surgery is an option for transmasculine teens. This is the same procedure offered to thousands of cismasculine teens each year for unwanted breast tissue (gynecomastia). For both groups of teens, the procedure may improve their lives and social development.
  • In rare cases, top surgery is an option for transfeminine teens. This is the same breast augmentation procedure offered to thousands of cisfeminine teens each year.
  • Most facial surgeries are not currently offered to minors. In rare cases, supportive families may arrange this in the way that some cis teens get a rhinoplasty, etc.
  • Most bottom surgeries are not currently offered to minors. In rare cases, supportive families may arrange this for mature minors nearing their age of majority.
  • Surgery is not reversible and has been safely performed on mature minors who understand the risks, burdens, and benefits.
  • Most do not have surgery until they are able to give legal consent.
  • As with any surgery, speak to your healthcare provider about possible risks, burdens, and benefits.

Most young people do not have any surgery until they are legally adults. The media fixates on hormones and surgery, but those options are not available until experts and loved ones agree on a course of action based on each young person’s unique needs.

Websites

Gender Spectrum (genderspectrum.org)

  • The most comprehensive English-language site.

Healthy Children (healthychildren.org)

Parents of Trans Youth (parentsoftransyouth.com)

TransFamily Support Group (santaclaratransfamilysupport.net)

The Constellation Project (theconstellationproject.org)

  • Assists with organizational outreach and registries for research recruitment from families with LGBTQ+ members

TransYouth Family Allies (imatyfa.org)

  • Archived resource for parents of trans youth.

TransKids Purple Rainbow Foundation (transkidspurplerainbow.org)

  • Advocacy group by parents of transgender children.

Children’s National Health System (childrensnational.org)

Lynn Conway (lynnconway.com)

Books and publications

Historically significant works for parents

National Center for Transgender Equality (transequality.org)

  • Going Public: Is Public Advocacy Right for You and Your Family? (PDF)
  • This important document is a must-read for anyone considering discussing their family member’s gender identity and expression in a public forum.

Podcasts

Love What Matters (lovewhatmatters.com)

  • Great podcast by parent of a trans child.

References

American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health, Committee on Adolescence, & Section on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Health and Wellness (2018). Ensuring comprehensive care and support for transgender and gender-diverse children and adolescents. Pediatrics, 142(4), [e20182162]. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2018-2162 (full text) (PDF)

Rider GN, McMorris BJ, Gower AL, Coleman E, Marla E.Eisenberg ME (2018). Health and Care Utilization of Transgender and Gender Nonconforming Youth: A Population-Based Study. Pediatrics, Mar 2018, 141 (3) [e20171683]. https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2017-1683