Being attracted to transgender and gender-diverse people is very common.
People who are attracted to us have the same range of sexualities as any other group of people, including straight, gay, lesbian, bi, queer, poly, ace, and so on.
Transgender people have many kinds of attraction
People in our community have the same range of sexualities as any other group of people, including straight, gay, lesbian, bi, queer, poly, ace, and so on.
Most trans people who identify as straight seek relationships with cis people who identify as straight.
Some trans people are primarily or exclusively attracted to people with the same gender identity. See the section on same-gender loving transgender people for more information.
Some of us are primarily or exclusively attracted to other trans and gender-diverse people. This is sometimes called T4T (trans for trans).
Marriage and cohabitation
A 2017 survey of trans people found that one in four trans women are married, and one in seven trans men are married.
About one in four trans women were previously married. While more and more marriages continue after one or both partners transition, a gender transition can be a factor in divorce.
About 33% of trans women have never married, and about 40% of trans men have never married.
The most striking difference between the groups is cohabitation. About 17% of trans women are cohabiting, while more than twice as many trans men (41%) cohabit with a partner.
Stigma and shame
Some people feel shame for being attracted to transgender people. They worry what people would think about them if they knew. Some worry that liking transgender people means they are gay, but they don’t think of themselves as gay.
Sex researchers have been some of the worst people for making attraction to trans people sound like a disease. Some people in the media have been creepy and weird about reporting on relationships with transgender people, too. These bigots have caused a lot of problems for trans people and those who love us. But that is changing fast!
Many people learn they are attracted to transgender people after seeing us in the media, whether that’s movies, television, music, fashion, or social media. That is great!
Many people learn they are attracted to transgender people after seeing pornography with transgender performers. While that is also great, please remember that all pornography is about fantasies. If you want to meet trans people, please do not assume they are going to act like porn stars!
Your sexual interests are nobody else’s business. It is fine to keep them private if you want, but there is no reason to be ashamed!
Dating and our community
Dating is fun and validating when done safely.
References
Liu H, Wilkinson L (2017). Marital status and perceived discrimination among transgender people. Journal of Marriage and Family, 79(5), 1295–1313. https://doi.org/10.1111/jomf.12424
Talulah-Eve (July 17, 2019). What everyone should understand about dating a trans woman. Cosmopolitan https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/relationships/a40339/dating-a-trans-girl-information/
Resources
HER (weareher.com)
- Safe trans dating
- Dating app for trans men and women
- Focuses on FLINTA (female, lesbian, intersexual, non-binary, transgender & asexual)
Taimi (taimi.com)
- Dating app for transgender and non-binary people